


It's hard to be straight when you're so sexy

by dean_and_cas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adorable, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Broadway, Christian Dean, Fabulous Castiel, Fluff, Gay Castiel, Gay Dean, Human Castiel, I love broadway, M/M, Many Broadway references, Masturbation, Nerd Dean, Performer Castiel, Proud Castiel, Repressed Dean, Sexual Tension, Smut, dont judge me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-02-14 09:05:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2185845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dean_and_cas/pseuds/dean_and_cas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is a drama student, devoting his life to music, dancing and theater. He's also a out and proud homosexual but doesn't have any time to actually have a boyfriend...or any fun for that matter.</p><p>Dean was raised in a strict Catholic family, loving video games and all things nerdy. He's known he wasn't exactly the staightest person out there but he can usually suppress the feelings until...Castiel</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Wonderful Wednesday Morning

Castiel was shocked out of deep sleep by his annoying one tone alarm clock, he turned to face it and glared at it, “I hate you,” he said to the inanimate object, his voice still full of sleep. He smacked the annoying box and rolled out of bed, knowing he had to get up this early if he wanted to get his run in before school. He threw on a black wife beater and gym shorts, sticking his gold earbuds in his ears and decided on a song while he half-heartedly stretched.

He scrolled past music, grimacing until he found what he wanted. It’s the song that he always runs to, on repeat. He clicked on Sugar Daddy from Hedwig and the Angry Inch and smiled as Neil Patrick Harris sang beautifully glam rock and Castiel started to run down the familiar street. 

Cas thanked god when the run was over, he hated running but he knew he had to keep in shape blah blah blah. Cas stripped and jumped in the shower quickly, starting his morning routine, shampoo, conditioner, brush teeth, get out of the shower, dry hair, wash face, moisturize, shave, aftershave. Ugh, finally done. He crossed his room to his closet and grabbed the outfit he laid out last night, a black t-shirt with white old-hollywood styled writing on it saying “Boy meets Boy”, tight, cuffed mauve jeans and black Alden’s boots. He smudged on a little eyeliner and stepped back, looking at himself, he looked fabulous. He smiled at himself and walked out of his room, swinging his backpack on and grabbing the bag he uses for tap dance, he had it tonight. He shoved the gold buds back in his ear as he ran out to his car. 

\-------------

Dean woke up at his mother yelling at him to get his ass out of bed, he groaned as he pulled himself up. He looked at his bedside alarm clock he never remembered to use, ten minutes before the bus comes. Awesome. He ran over to his closet and grabbed the first shirt he saw, it smelled fine so he slipped it on, a black Call of Duty shirt, he threw a flannel over it and some light jeans on. While brushing his teeth he decided that no one will notice the little stubble, shaving takes too much time. He threw on his boots and ran to the bus, approaching his house, he nodded good morning to Sammy as he entered the crowded area. 

He plugged in his headphones and started blasting Zeppelin, trying to forget all the obnoxious people that surrounded him.

As he got to school he texted Charlie, his wonderful, redheaded, lesbian best friend, “Where are you?” Dean was already at his locker when he got a reply, “Library, Ash thinks he can out-hack me. Ha. Sweet spring child has a lot to learn.” Dean smiled at the text, Ash was one year older than them both and was a total genius but the fact that Charlie could out-hack him was something he would never live down, or let go, he was constantly challenging Charlie to hacking competitions that he would lose. This all led to Charlie starting to call him her Sweet Spring Child and Charlie constantly teasing him like she was wiser and overall smarter than he was, effectively driving him nuts. 

He got to the library and sat down at the computer next to Charlie, he didn’t know anything about hacking but judging by Ash’s face, Charlie was winning, however she wins, he had no idea. 

He looked around the library his mind drifting with boredom until someone caught his eye. He had dark hair, unstyled but still managed to look amazing, his beautiful blue eyes were lowered much to Dean’s dismay and his perfect full lips were pursed slightly in concentration of what he was looking at. As Dean was staring, Cas’ hand raised to his lips, a seemingly subconscious act but Dean thought it was the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Dean looked down to see Cas’ tight black shirt stretched out against his slender upper body and his pants showing off Cas’ toned legs. Dean bit his lip at the thought of seeing what an amazing body Castiel Novak had up close and personal. Dean slipping his hand under Cas’ shirt and gently pulling it off and tossing it aside before Cas kissing him hard, lowered him onto a bed, straddling him before- Woah. Dean shook the thought out of his head. No. He does not want to do that with a man. Being gay is a sin but he’s not even gay, super-duper straight. Dean sighed and put his head in his hands, “Shit,” he said softly before he pushed all thoughts out of his head and tried to capture Charlie’s attention.

\--------------

Cas just stepped into the school when he heard the distinctive sound of high heels racing after him, he smiled and turned around to face his best friend, the one person who might pass him on the dramatic scale. He looked her over as she hurried towards him, she wore black faux-leather extremely tight pants, an all black top that was essentially a corset with just enough fabric to cover a decent amount of her breasts but her still having cleavage and about an inch of pale stomach showed between her shirt and pants. She wore lace black gloves on her thin pale hands and a black net birdcage veil with her unnaturally bright red hair in a beautifully curly updo, on her feet all black high heeled saddle shoes. 

“Hey Jules, what’s with the black? Not that you don't look totally amazing and if I wasn't into dick I would totally jump you right here,” Cas said with a smile. Jules batted the compliment away with her hand and looked at Cas, her eyebrows knitted together, a very dramatic anger crossed her face. Cas wasn’t surprised, drama was her first language. “You forgot?!” Jules said overly loud, drawing a few glances from other students, “Woah. Woah. What did I forget?” Cas said calmly, he was used to these outbursts. Jules’ face suddenly got very sad as she said, “It’s October 18th,” she said quietly. Oh my god. Jules was the single most hilarious and utterly mental person he knows. Cas laughs quietly and says, “This is about Gwen Verdon?” he asks with a smile on his face, Jules threw a hand over her pretty, pouty mouth and gasped at him, “Don’t laugh at the death of my queen!” Cas couldn’t help himself but laugh loudly at her but quickly correcting himself, “I’m sorry darling,” he said, mischief in his eyes. Jules raised her eyebrows at him and pursed her lips, “I know you aren’t actually but all is forgiven, now pretty please walk me to class?” she asked, giving him her puppy dog eyes. “Of course, don't I always?” he told her as they walked up the stairs hand in hand.

Cas walked down the stairs alone after he’d dropped Jules off at her class, she had to study, she apologized for leaving him alone and kissed him on the cheek he said it was no big deal and squeezed her hand. People would probably think they were a couple if he wasn’t so obviously and openly gay, but honestly Cas wouldn’t know what he would do without Jules. She was his best friend and basically his only one, he didn't have time for people usually, but since he met her in ballet when they were seven they've been inseparable. Now they were not only in ballet together but also tap and jazz and they had the same singing coach, they always tried out for the same plays and when they had nothing to do, a very rare occasion, they sat around in sweatpants, ate grapes and talked or watched a musical. Their lives were not very exciting, Cas thought about this while he made his way to the library, Cas had never gotten drunk or high, he’d never snuck out or even stayed up past 1am. Nothing that would damage his ability to perform, but it’s more than that, having a boyfriend would not damage anything. He’s never had one, a boyfriend. He’s kissed a boy, sure, but he’s never gone past that and he’s a 17 year old boy, just saying that Cas had a great imagination when he was in the shower. Cas shook his thoughts out of his head and pulled up YouTube on his phone and typed in “Anything Goes Patti Lupone Tonys 1988” he shoved in his earbuds and got lost in her voice, her talent, he absent mindedly touched his lip trying to memorize the tap steps Patti expertly accomplished. Why couldn’t he just be Patti Lupone? He shrugged at his bad luck and closed the app just as the first bell rang.


	2. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Jules go to tap and Dean goes to Charlie's

Cas waited outside of Jules’ last class, the bell had rang a few minutes before but Jules insisted on staying and fighting with her teacher about a grade. She exited the room finally after several minutes of terrorizing her teacher, she was a blur of red and black until she realized he was already there. She smiled at him and they started walking, “You know what I’ve decided?” She asked him but answered before he could respond, “We need boyfriends.” Cas laughed at this, “You’re insane, we don’t have time, we barely have time for each other,” he said, she nodded her head in agreement, frowning, looking away from Cas. “I know, I’m sorry but we have the rest of our lives for fun and sex and all that jazz,” Jules nodded and was quiet the rest of the way to Cas’ car.

Jules dropped into the cab as Cas started up his car, making his way to the dance studio and attempted to lighten the mood, “You could get a boyfriend in a second obviously,” he said smiling at her, “Me on the other hand…” he looked at her made a sad face. “Oh please,” she said smiling once again, Cas celebrated a mini victory, “There are plenty of other gay guys at our school who all, and I mean all, want to get in your pants. Just accept it Castiel, you’re smokin.” He gave her a lopsided grin, his eyebrows knitted together, Cas’ classic “You just complimented me on my looks and I don't know how to respond” face. He finally relaxed his face and went in his over-the-top gay voice he does when he’s joking, “Oh I know, I know, I am just the single most attractive person on planet earth,” he said so sarcastically, rolling his eyes after he said it, “And also all the gay guys at our school are...gross,” he said grimacing. This made Jules laugh and nod in agreement but roll her eyes at how oblivious Cas was to his own beauty. She grabbed her bag from the back seat, jumping out of the car and quickly walking into the studio, Cas at her side.

\----------------

Dean ran his hand through his hair, not being able to focus on the book in front of him. It was his last hour and it was always the most difficult to concentrate in, but not because Cas sat a few feet next to him. Dean gave up on his inner protests of staring at him and looked up, Cas hunched over his desk, head in hands, reading the boring book that the school insisted they read. A smile crossed Dean’s face when he saw Cas sigh heavily out of boredom and look around the room for something to entertain him. Dean’s head shot up when the teacher finally announced the end of the designated reading time and started to explain the project they would do on the book. Dean’s eyes drifted back to Castiel as the teacher’s voice turned to background noise and he watched him listen with his blue eyes wide and his lips ever so slightly open, Dean’s mind lingered on Cas’ perfect bow lips until the teacher snapped him out of his daze. “Dean,” the teacher said, Dean’s head pulled up to look at her with utter confusion, not hearing the context of the sentence. The teacher’s mouth pulled up in a tiny smile at the look on Dean’s face but quickly corrected itself into a scowl, “Maybe someday you will grasp the concept of listening in class, Dean Winchester,” Dean blushed and looked down as the teacher informed him of the context, “You and Castiel will be partners on this assignment.”

Dean didn’t hear anything else that she said that day, his head was flooding with confusion, excitement and dread. How could he be so unlucky and lucky all at the same time? The thought of actually having an excuse to talk to the boy he’s been crushing on for so long was amazing. The whole situation filled him with anxiety and left him emotionally exhausted.

Dean shrugged into Charlie’s car and they drove off, Charlie looking at him quizzically when he didn't make conversation. Dean didn't feel like talking, nobody knew about his feelings for Cas, not even Charlie. He sat in the passenger seat in a depressed lump and silently picked at the Legend of Zelda sticker on her dashboard. “Okay, enough with the silent misery. Spill,” Charlie commanded when they got to a red light, “It’s nothing, really...it’s just...nothing,” Dean replied. Charlie looked at him in frustration and said quickly how he could tell her anything, and Dean knew that he could. He knew Charlie would accept him but he also knew that coming out to Charlie would somehow make it more real, like if someone else knew he couldn't deny it to himself anymore. He nodded to Charlie and told her he knew, the rest of the way was silent as they drove to Charlie’s house.

Dean walked up the familiar steps and into Charlie’s room suddenly surrounded by scantily clad female superheroes and all things Harry Potter, Doctor who, Star wars and video game related. He dropped his backpack onto the bed just as Charlie tackled him the ground. “Tell me what’s wrong!” she yelled at him, sitting on his stomach holding his arms over his head. Dean quickly overpowered her laying her on her back holding her hands above her head as she had just done to him, “I told you nothing,” Dean said in reply, Charlie quickly kneed him in the spine, “Fuck!” Dean screamed and let go of her to hold his back, she took at advantage of his moment of weakness, Charlie rolled on top of him and resumed her previous position. “You play dirty,” Dean said, now smiling, glaring at her. “That’s what you love about me, now tell me,” Charlie’s face was smiling until she said the last three words, her face fell and her eyebrows knitted together. Dean sighed and accepted his fate, Charlie knew him too well to let this go, “Okay, I’ll tell you, get off me.” Charlie slid off him and onto the floor crossing her legs and looking at him with concerned hazel eyes. “I’ve been keeping something from you,” Dean started, looking at his hands, “I haven’t really accepted it myself so I don't really know how to say this,” Charlie was about to burst at the suspense of what her best friend was about to tell her, Dean’s pretty green eyes finally raised to hers and his freckled cheeks went bright red, “I like boys.”

Charlie’s mouth fell open, that was the last thing she suspected from the most God-fearing person she knew. “You’re the first person I told,” he said, looking down at his hands again, Charlie snapped out of her shock and leaned over to hug her oldest friend, he hugged her back, hard and he buried his face in her wavy red locks. “I’m so glad you told me,” she said, she pulled out of the hug but kept his hand in hers, “So are you bi?” She asked, she sensed the answer but she knew she had to ask. It would be easier if he was, it would go over better with his parents, “Um…well women are beautiful,” he said, his eyes widening, “but...I don't think I could ever be attracted to them sexually,” he said at a normal volume until anger came over him. “I wish I was! I would be so much easier!” he said loudly, standing up, looking at sitting Charlie, “I’ve watched porn! I know! I don't react to...that,” at the last word he got quiet like he was remembering something and he shuttered. Charlie laughed at his disgust and stood up, placing her arms on his shoulders, “First of all, TMI. Second of all, it’s okay to be gay, sweetheart. All the people who truly love you will accept you for who you are, and think you're absolutely perfect. I know that you can’t choose who you fall in love with and I know that your parents...can be difficult at times but just remember that a lot of people, that I, love you.” Dean smiled at Charlie, the smile that lit up his face, showed all his teeth and made his eyes crinkle, he picked Charlie up and hugged her, swinging her in a circle. “What would I do without you?” he asked when put her down, “Shrivel up,” she said with a smile. “Okay enough with the chick flick moments, Xbox?” Dean suggests, sitting down on the beanbag in front of the TV, Charlie smiles back “Hell yeah.”


	3. Like A Freakin' Male Model

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean talk not about the project and Cas practices ballet with Jules

Cas sat back in his chair and watched as Dean Winchester stumbled into the seat in front of him and turned around to face him. “Hi, I’m Cas,” he said to him, never really talking to him before so he thought it was appropriate. “Yeah, I know who you are,” Dean said a little quietly, only looking up from his binder for a second, “I’m Dean, by the way.” This boy must be very shy, it might be hard collaborating on the project, Cas cursed the God who paired him with Dean. 

Cas pulled out his phone and unlocked the screen and a shirtless Kyle Dean Massey was smiling back at him. Yup, good wallpaper choice. He tapped on on his messages and was about to text Jules before he heard a snicker. He looked up, his eyes wide in confusion. He saw Dean looking into his eyes for the first time, his eyes grinning mischievously along with his mouth. As he looked curiously at Dean he noticed how beautifully organic his green eyes were, rimmed with dark lashes that didn’t match his pullable sandy brown hair. His lips, bowed and and plush, a pretty shade of light pink- they begged for Cas to push that smirk off of them with gentle and not so gentle kisses. The green eyed strangers face was actually perfect, hard jaw line, high cheekbones, a nose that complimented his other features amazingly, slight stubble that made him look rugged and sexy, and light freckles that covered his nose and cheeks that maybe some people would count as a flaw but Cas would beg to differ. Cas wondered how he had not noticed the male model walking around his school for the past three years. Cas’ mouth went dry for a minute as he stupidly gawked at Dean.

“What?” Cas asked as soon as he could formulate a response, Dean’s smile fell as he awkwardly tried to explain, “Well, um, sorry. I was waiting for you to finish on your phone but I saw your phone case and, I don't know, It struck me as funny.” Cas looked at his phone case even though he knew what it was, it was cream and in bold, gold sparkled letters it said “Glitter and be Gay.” Cas tried to explain, “Oh, well its a reference to an operetta that I love, Candide, paired with the fact that its awesome and so me,” he said smiling until he realized that the handsome stranger had a silver cross around his neck. He had dealt with devout Christians before, hateful comments, hell threats and bible verses venomously spit at him flooded from his memory bank. 

“Is that a problem for you?” he asked Dean, suddenly a sharp edge in his voice. Dean’s eyes widened at the hateful tone rising in Cas’ voice, he raised his arms in surrender, “Woah, woah, no, I have no problem with it at all,” he said as Cas’ face relaxed at the answer. “Actually, I’m kind of jealous of you,” Dean said looking into Cas’ eyes with admiration, Cas wondered where the shy boy he saw before went. “You’re so proud and brave, I wish I was,” Cas saw shock go across Dean’s face like he couldn’t believe he had just said that, and slowly Cas started to put two and two together. “Wait. You’re? But…” the fragmented sentence was ended by Cas making a cross on his neck with his fingers. “Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just told you that. Holy shit,” Dean said quietly, almost to himself, “Yeah, okay, I’m gay,” he said now completely whispering. “I’m also Catholic so if anyone finds out and tells my parents...my father will kill me. So, um...don't tell anybody.” 

People often say their parents would kill them but when Dean said it, fear in his eyes, Cas somehow knew it was a real threat. Cas’ mind drifted into thoughts about how terrible Dean must feel about being gay and something else, what was it? Cas pushed thoughts out of his head and looked at the clock. “Here put your number into my phone, we missed a day of work so we’ll need to make up for it out of class and if you want to talk about anything, I’ve been through it so..yeah,” Cas babbled as Dean smiled at him and put in the numbers, Cas send him a blank message so he would have his number and then smiled at him as the bell rang. “Well, I’ll see to you tomorrow, Dean,” Cas said as he stood and walked out of class and walked toward Jules’. 

Cas walked down the hallway slowly going over what happened in his mind. Not only did he see one of the most attractive guy he’s ever seen in real life but he fucking came out to him and the Cas gave him his number! What a weird hour. Cas smiled because the weirdness was fucking awesome weirdness.

\--------------

Dean slowly put his binder in his bag and stood up. He had only come out to Charlie, his best friend since forever, last night and one conversation with Cas and he already knows his most hidden secret that Dean swore he would never share with anyone. 

It was just so easy to talk to him, those blue eyes staring at him earnestly, actually wanting to hear what Dean had to say. 

I have Castiel Novak’s number.

Dean was grinning madly when he got to Charlie, “I’ve got something to tell you,” he said to her just as they reached her car, turning to her, “I figured as much with that Joker grin on your face, what’s up?” 

“Ya know Castiel Novak?”

\----------------

“Oh my god tell me everything!” Jules’ said excitedly, only clad in her black leotard, sheer tights and pink ballet shoes, her bright hair wound in a tight bun. Cas wore only only black leggings, pulled up to mid-calf and his ballet shoes, after class he discarded his shirt but continued to practice with Jules in the empty dance studio. He picked her up with ease as he extended one leg back, she held one leg over her head and tipped her head back, he put her down softly and looked at her with teasing anger. “Maybe I will if you you straighten that damn leg,” Jules glared back at him, “It’s harder than it looks, douche.” She walked over to the Barre and placed one leg on it, and looked at him sharply, “I’m working on it.” Cas rolled his eyes at her sensitivity and softened his tone, “Come on, we’ll do it one more time and then we’ll go to my place,” he said, Jules’ looked at him and smiled a little as she crossed the room to him. “Let’s start at the beginning,” Jules recommended, Cas nodded in agreement and the separated. 

Jules’ lifted one pointed toe and began to spin as fast as the beginning demanded until Castiel walked slowly up to her and caught her hand in his. Cas and she were spinning and lifting slowly together, melting into each other's energies. Cas then lifted her into the air as he had done so many times before but this time her leg and arms made a perfect arch over her turned back head, he spun slowly in that position and lowered her to the floor where she spun quickly, his hands still around her waist. They ended with Cas tipping her, her head almost touching the floor and one of her legs in his hand, touching his face and her other pointed toe shoe on the glossy ground.

They held that position until Cas let out an audible breath and his face fell from his serious expression. “Yes! You totally rocked it,” Cas said smiling, letting her leg fall, “Finally, oh my god,” she said exhausted, wiping sweat from her forehead. “We can shower at my place lets get out of here,” he said as he rid his feet of the ballet shoes and put on his old black converse without bothering with socks, sticking the laces inside to shoe so he wouldn't have to tie them. The shoes were beat up and the white was now a yellow-grey, the shoe laces frayed, but he still adored them. He reached for his sweaty shirt and stuck it in his bag, putting on his black hoodie instead, zipping it up halfway.

When he looked up Jules was suddenly in a black sundress she threw over her leotard and black flats. They headed for the door and were in the car when Jules finally remembered. “So tell me about the guy,” Jules demanded, Cas sighed and looked at her with a smile on his face, “Dean Winchester,” he sighed. Jules raised an eyebrow at him, “Video game shirts and flannel? Always hanging out with the smart red head?” she questioned, wanting to make sure she was thinking of the right guy. “Yup,” Cas said shortly, “Have you ever looked at him? He’s like a frickin’ male model.” Jules’ giggled and said, “I guess I haven’t, what does he look like?” 

“Totally gorgeous, big green eyes, high cheekbones, strong jaw, rockin’ bod, but the real reason I’m into him was this thing about him, I don't know what it is, he just seems so real. Ya know?” Cas stated, looking at Jules. She smirked at him, “I have to meet this boy who can make Castiel Novak, of all people, completely smitten.” 

“I’m not smitten,” Cas said defensively, they were now in his room laying on his bed. Cas suddenly whipped out his phone and asked, “Should I text him or will that seem desperate?” Jules’ face filled with amusement as she said in a sing-song voice, “Smitten!” he quickly stuck his tongue out at her and went back to his phone. He continued to write and erase various versions of “Hey” to send to Dean, “I’m going to shower, I’ll leave you two alone,” Jules said smirking and left the room, Cas rolled his eyes as he hesitantly sent, “Hey,” to Dean and counted the minutes until he replied.


	4. Let's hang out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas makes plans to hang out, Dean and Charlie go shopping and Dean and John fix up a car

It had been a week since Cas had given Dean his number, ever since then they had been texting constantly. They texted when they woke up until last period when they saw each other and then resumed when Cas was done with his dance/singing/piano practice. They shared stories, interests and memories, it seemed impossible that you could get to know someone so well and only actually see them one hour of the day and sometimes for fifteen minutes in the mornings. Dean often thought about how impersonal it seemed.

“Lets hang out this weekend,” Dean typed nervously as he walked down the hall, bag slung over his back as he made his way to Charlie’s car.

“Tomorrow, my house?” Cas replied quickly, Dean smiled and celebrated internally.

“Perfect, see you then...wait what time?” Dean asked as he reached the car with Charlie already inside, he jumped into the passenger seat as he and Cas worked out their plans.

Charlie was already halfway to her house when Dean looked up, finally done. “What’s up? What did Mr. Perfect do to make you grin like that?” she asked observing Dean’s apparent state of bliss. “We’re hanging out at his house tomorrow,” Dean said, unable to help the ridiculous smile that seemed to be permanently etched onto his face. Charlie said nothing as she turned the car around. “Where are we going?” Dean said, suspicious of the mischievous smile that her lips were starting to form. She took a while to respond, knowing Dean would throw a fit akin to one of a two year old but eventually she turned to him and with a sweet smile she said, “The mall.”

“Why? Dean asked, trying to contain his disgust as Charlie explained, “You are not going to look like shit when you go to Mr. Perfect’s house, I won’t allow it,” Charlie stated decisively. “No, come on I look fine, lets just go to your house. I’ll let you pick out the video game, anything you want,” Dean bargained, he hated shopping more than almost anything. “No, you like you don't give a shit about your appearance. I’m trying to help you!” Charlie looks at him with an exasperated expression as she pulled up to the building. Dean looked at her resentfully and with a huff he crossed his arms and sat still in the car, “I don't care about my appearance! That’s why I look like I don’t! If Cas likes me he will have to put up with that,” just as Dean says this he feels a slight vibrate in his pocket. 

He half listens to Charlie rant about making a good first impression while he opened a Snap he had just received from Cas, he was posing with his friend Julie, Jules Cas called her, he had his arm wrapped around her and they were both smiling happily. Dean’s dick twitched in interest of what Cas was wearing, or rather what he was not. Cas had clearly just had finished his dance class and he was slightly sweaty, his bare chest glistened with it. The delicious sight made Dean think of grazing his tongue over Cas’ defined pecs and abs, tasting his salty sweat and gently sucking on his sensitive nipple as Cas moans beautifully and arcs into Dean’s touch. Dean snapped out of his fantasy when the image suddenly disappeared and raised his head back up to Charlie, who looked royally pissed. “Are you even listening to me?” she asked impatiently, crossing her arms over her chest, “Yes, I was thinking and you’re right, I want to make a good impression,” Dean decided thinking back to the image. Charlie smiled thinking she was the one who convinced Dean, not his crazy, hormone induced horniness and Cas’ muscular, ballet trained chest, but Dean decided to keep her happy and not tell her. They stepped out into the cold, winter air and walked toward the big glass doors.

Dean groaned as they entered what seemed like the millionth store, he’s tried on a thousand different things and the only thing Charlie has decided on is Ray Ban sunglasses, a black beanie and another ring to add to Dean’s collection. Charlie turned to him and finally voiced a plan for his outfit, “Okay, this is what we’re going to do, we are going to get dark jeans for you and a black leather jacket, you can wear your boots and one of your band ts, that I get to pick out,” Dean let out a sigh of relief that it will soon be over. “I already have a leather jacket,” Dean informed Charlie, “Yeah but its brown and too loose, this one will be black and fitted,” Charlie countered. “Fine, whatever, get what you want. Consider me your barbie doll. Just hurry the fuck up,” Dean droned as he followed the little redhead into the next store.

Even though this is a place of his repression and self loathing, Dean felt relieved as Charlie dropped him off at his house. He saw his dad working on a car in the garage he dropped his many shopping bags into the porch and followed the sound of his father singing along to Robert Plant. “Hey,” Dean said squatting to look at his father who was working under the beat up car, “Need any help?” Dean asked, hoping for a yes. “Yeah, actually, you can start on the engine,” John replied, Dean smiled and started working on the engine that was, frankly, shot to hell. 

About a half an hour had past of easy silence, they had been doing this basically Dean’s whole life, working on a cars together. Neither of them were good with words or feelings so this was their bonding, fixing what was broken, Led Zeppelin playing quietly in the background. “So where ya been all day?” John asked, Dean glancing up from his work a second and replied a little loudly, knowing the his father was under the car. “With Charlie, she forced me to go shopping with her,” Dean’s eyes rolled remembering the day, “Yeah, women will do that,” John said from experience. “Apparently, ‘I look like I don't care about my appearance’, and I don't care about it but Charlie says I should so whatever, she took me shopping,” Dean vented and John laughed a little, “Man, that little lady of yours sure is a spitfire.” Dean sighed at John’s assumption and his tone was slightly childish, “Dad, we’re not dating,” he said shortly and returned to his work. “Sure,” was all John said before they returned their focus to the car.

When they were done for the night John clapped Dean on the shoulder as Dean wiped grease off his hands with a white rag. “Nice work,” is all he said but it meant the world to Dean.

“Hey Mom, can go over to my friend Cas’ house tomorrow?” Dean asked his mother timidly, hoping her blue eyes could not see into his feelings of the boy he asked about. She looked up from the book she was reading, the yellow light from the old lamp surrounded her, the rest of the living room dark. The light cast down on her and illuminated her hair like a halo and rested on her face, creating shadows that showed just how angular and beautiful she was. “Cas who?” she asked Dean, her twinkling voice a little suspicious of the new friend, “Um...his name is Castiel Novak, he and I are partners in english for an assignment so I thought I would go over to his place and we could work on it and maybe play some video games or something,” Dean informed, sticking his hands deep in his pockets and shrugging his shoulders, trying to look casual. “Okay...you can go,” Mary started, Dean’s face spreading into a wide smile, “But I don't want you to spend the whole time playing those infernal games, you better get some work done,” Mary finished shortly after. Dean smiled as he walked up to his mother, kissing her quickly on the temple, “‘Course Mom, love you.”

“I love you too, Dean. Very much.” She said smiling at her green eyed baby before she went back to her book and Dean walked up to his bedroom with a smile on his face. 

“Castiel Novak?” Sam asked as soon as Dean got up the stairs, clearly eavesdropping, “Yeah, he and I are working on an assignment together,” Dean says to Sam, Sam raising one eyebrow, “I didn't know you talked to him.” Sam was really getting on Dean’s nerves now, “I do now, what’s it to ya?” Dean asked Sam, getting threateningly close to his face, “Jesus man, I was just wondering, jeez, no need to get so defensive,” Sam said quickly, holding his hands up in surrender. Dean walked angrily into his room and closed the door behind him, he realized how terribly he reacted to Sam and flopped on his bed, mad at himself for having his father’s temper. He thought about how better his temperament would be if he came out, but he didn't linger on the thought. His mind drifted to the next day and he fell asleep thinking of sparkling blue eyes and messy black hair.

He woke up with the next morning with pornographic images his head had concocted the night before. He smiled as he jumped into the shower, coming hard on the shower wall thinking of the many which ways a ballet student can bend.


	5. Maybe I don't want to be saved

“Is this a date?” Cas thinks to himself, “What if he doesn’t like me? What if I’m not his type or something? What is his thinks I’m ugly?” He ran a nervous hand through his hair and looked in the car mirror, he sighed in frustration, he couldn't get his wild hair to contain itself today. He pushed up the mirror and looked at the white house he was parked in front of, he had just texted Dean that he was there. Cas unlocked his phone for what seemed like the hundredth time in the minute he had been waiting to view the unreplied message. He fidgeted in his seat and scrolled through Twitter, trying to pass the time.

His head shot up at the sound of a screen door being slammed and his eyes were greeted by an image that he yearned to capture. Dean’s eyes were covered with dark sunglasses and his body with a tight, dark Led Zeppelin t-shirt and a black leather jacket. Cas cursed at the sight of him and admired every piece of him individually, his worn black boots, tight fitting jeans, his covered torso, messy light brown hair with a beany draped over the back of it; could he get any more perfect? Cas clicked off his forgotten phone as Dean swung into his front seat, “Hey,” Cas said smiling at Dean, Dean raised his glasses off of his nose and perched them on his head before he looked over to Cas. Cas could feel himself melting into his perfect eyes, his gaze broke from his eyes and scanned down his body, broad shoulders, muscular arms and torso, and toned legs. Cas was overwhelmed with the urge to reach over and rip that shirt off of Dean’s chest, kiss down the lines of his muscles and love every freckle he expected to find, suck and nibble at his flesh until he got to the top of those tight jeans, Cas thought how he would slowly unbutton and kiss every piece of flesh he exposed until he found to what he was looking for…

“Hello, Earth to Castiel,” Dean said with a grin and a joking tone, waving his hand in front of his face, “You were totally spaced out there, man.” Cas snapped out of the trace he was in and instantly blushed with embarrassment, “Um….yeah, I guess I’m just out of it today,” Cas stammered, trying to discretely adjust himself so Dean would not notice his fully erect dick that 17 years of abstinence will give you. Dean looked suddenly concerned, reading the situation completely wrong, “Hey, are you okay?” Dean asked, knitting his eyebrows together and gently touching Cas’ arm, Cas internally punched himself in the face and started acting normal, “Oh yeah, I’m totally fine, so...my house?” Dean smiled at this and nodded.

\---------

Dean could not sleep the night before, at all, he laid in bed and no matter how tired he got all he could do was think. Think about everything, Cas mostly, how they can talk for hours and never get bored, how amazingly talented he was, and maybe, just maybe, he could possibly end the whole ‘17-year-boy-that-has-never-been-kissed’ thing. Yeah, maybe. At about 4am, Dean groaned and got out of bed, turned on the light, sat in his overly large chair, and stared at Jesus, hanging on the cross. His parents had hung it in his room when he was confirmed, as a present, it was meant to bring peace and guidance, Dean always laughed at the irony of that. Dean stared and stared at Him, and quietly, almost to himself, said, “You’re the one who said forgive, you said to love, you said to never judge, you said that if we follow you we will be saved. Will I be saved? Because I tried, I tried for so fucking long to stop it, to hide it. But I can’t, I can't hide it from you, I know. Please try to forgive me, my parents wont, I need to you be on my side...I know, confess, confess my sins, but how can I believe that this is a sin? I don’t feel that this is wrong. Please, God, try to forgive me...but if you can't, maybe I don't want to be saved.

**Author's Note:**

> I've always loved broadway so i've decided to put some of my passion for it into a fic :D 
> 
> I make many references to broadway shows in the story so im sorry if you dont understand them!


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